June 14, 2019 was the day I said farewell to the man that loved me the most… My Dad. We all have to say goodbye to our loved ones at some point but that fact doesn’t make it hurt any less. I was completely unprepared for the phone call that would mean no more big hugs when my flight landed into Richmond, VA. I was at the nail salon in the middle of a fill in when my mother just came out with it, tearing like a band aid. Hearing that my dad passed away was so unreal, but imagining him slumped over at his desk unresponsive when they found him tears my heart out. For some reason my next emotion was anger that he literally worked himself to death like we all joked about when he was alive. If my dad had hated his job I would have never known because he was so devoted and always buried in work related matters even when he was at home. His only day off from work was Sunday which he spent mowing the lawn in the morning, then watching the football game while my sisters and I did laundry for the upcoming week.
My dad worked so hard to give us family vacations every year to Florida so it was like my second home. I moved to Florida 6 years ago after always feeling like a piece of me was left there when we would leave. Even though my trip to Key West was planned in advance, I felt so guilty for still going after hearing of my dads passing. The ounce of Gorilla Glue I smoked during my trip helped to block out any guilty emotions concerning my dad. After-all it was a birthday trip for my best friend from Virginia who invested a lot to be there. Despite my muted emotions, we had a great time exploring the most southern part of the United States.
I ordered a funeral approved dress and jacket from Pretty Little Thing that had arrived by the time I was back in Miami from my trip. My flight was set for the next morning and the anxiety of my dads death becoming so real made me want to just melt. I hate morning flights just as much as I hate flying spirit but it was the only direct flight that gave me enough time to get dressed and make it to the service on time. I remember staring at the man in the casket with a smirk on his face that looked like my dad. I just couldn’t accept that it was really happening. The moment that they closed his casket I started to cry because I knew if he were alive he would be suffocating from the tight seal. But not a movement…. My daddy’s really gone..
Hearing the honorary sound of Taps playing as a final salute for the bravery of my Dad comforted me. The last few of us remaining at his casket side took a memorial shot of his favorite drink, Black Russian. He was and forever will be my hero.It is now 3 months later after my dad has been buried and I still cry as if it were yesterday. I mourn for my father whenever I think of him and I still even call his phone to hear his voicemail. He was my biggest supporter through my personal screw ups. He knew when to be hard and show discipline, but he also knew when to be sensitive and forgiving. I’m so happy he was there for the most important parts of my life.My children will learn some of what my dad taught me…..
Table Manners, Respect for elders, and Showing kindness to everyone.
My Daddy’s Gone, but never Forgotten ❤️